Netflix Quandary

Dear James-

When I was at my daughter's home 2 months ago for a weekend visit, I used her computer to log onto my Netflix account. The computer saved my account information and since then, my daughter's boyfriend has been watching videos on my account. I am a very lawful person and I feel he is abusing my account privileges. James, how should I handle this situation delicately?

Sincerely Lawful Larry from Fresno

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Rapid technological advances in the past few decades have created a rather sizable cultural dichotomy between individuals only a single generation apart. It used to be that to steal a video you'd have to leave your house, go down to the local video store, snatch what you wanted without being seen in those fish-eye mirrors and walk around the magnetic sensors without getting caught. What's more, all the clerk had to do was pretend not to notice and grab your license number as you drove away and you were suddenly in jail for a crime that saved you a buck and a half. In the old days petty crime was risky and difficult. This lead to a generation of people throwing up their hands at the whole premise of theft and developing a culture of lawfulness whereby instead of taking pride in things you do, you take pride in what you don't do (actually the same mechanism that rebellious teenagers use to gain social status by opting out of things that take time or energy).

The underpinnings of this cultural legacy have, however, been severely eroded by the advance of technology. Now that it's actually easier to take something illegally than to obtain it legally it just doesn't feel like stealing anymore. The whole process is now similar to more culturally accepted practices like scavenging or looting, except with fewer wild dogs to compete with.

Confrontation is usually somewhat uncomfortable, and may lead to a long speech by your daughter's boyfriend about how the corporations are stealing from artists and how free speech is being oppressed. This could take up to ten minutes of your time. For these reasons I'd recommend rationalizing his behavior. Fortunately Netflix is a fairly successful corporation that employs a large number of people, and you’re rationalizing a practice that has been growing in popularity since the advent of shareware in the early 90’s. This means that there are likely people that work at Netflix that are also illegally accessing copyrighted material. As I understand it by the rules of rationalization this fact allows you to steal anytime you’re in the vicinity of a Netflix product, or if the name Netflix has been mentioned in the past ten seconds. Please note that the rules of rationalization tend to be somewhat fluid, so make sure to check the most recent update before going on a shoplifting spree wearing a Netflix logo-emblazoned vest.

If mimicking the behavior of an amorphous and strictly hypothetical group of people for some reason doesn't actually assuage your moral sensibilities then there may be another option. Have you considered surrepticiously changing the password of your account and then denying all knowledge of what happened while feigning early onset senility? I hesitate to mention this classic gambit for fear that its ubiquity makes the advice nearly useless, much like saying "tie your shoes to avoid falling," however, I get paid by the word.

Best of luck,
Good tidings,
Merry Unbirthday
Daddy needs a new pair of shoelaces,

James