Debate for the Masses
Sometimes we are called upon to enter an argument on a topic we know nearly nothing about. This could be for any number of reasons; Pershaps somone is trying to convince us of something that fits uncomfortably with our pre-existing beliefs, or worse, maybe they're trying to get us to actually do something we don't want to. Now of course there's always the option of refusing to listen, shutting them down outright, and in fact this has worked wonderfully for many a two year old. The problem comes when you want to avoid appearing closeminded and obstinant in a situation where you'd rather these traits go unnoticed. Offering a few specious(1) rationalizations to justify your position can be a very effective means of passive-aggressively frustrating challenges to your worldview. True masters of these tips can even appear rational throughout the conversation. One of the best ways to do this is to quote well-respected people. Within our culture it has come to be a venerated tradition to back our positions with out-of-context, unverified quotes of people that are highly respected for reasons unrelated to the subject. As these quotes are usually historical in nature and quite short it doesn't naturally occur to most to expect them to contain anything explicitly linked to the decisions they are meant to inform. Vague and tangential relationships more than satisfy the standards we as a culture hold.
One apparent drawback of this technique is the requirement of memorizing quotes that can be used to support innaction and resistance to change in a wide variety of topics. Thankfully a study published by the Bureau of Derived Social Mathmatics(2) has found that adding together the average inaccuracy of a quote taken out of context, to the average inaccuracy of a quote that hasn't been verified, and the inaccuracy accrued by applying it to a self-assessed tangentially related topic result in an erroneous rating of 1.2(3) times that of the average brazen-grade lie. This means that if you just substitute a brazen lie in the guise of a quotation you're actually being 17% more honest than if you try to say something genuine.
Who could fault you for that?
Of course not all of us can come up with legitimate sounding sound bites on the fly. Sometimes we're taken by surprise and need something simple quickly. For these instances I find subtly changing the topic from what is being discussed to how you feel about what is being discussed comes naturally to most, and can completely shift the playing field in your favor. After all, you might not know the first thing about the issue of public healthcare, but on the matter of how you feel about it you're the world's leading expert. The trick to making this transition is to take a claim that is hard to pin down and add "I feel" to the front of it. Say for instance the idea of publicly funded water fluoridation rubs you the wrong way, but you don't actually know anything about it. Try saying something like "I feel that adding chemicals(4) to our water is an unhealthy trend, and who knows where it could lead next?" Note that you haven't actually made any real claims about the outside world here. How are they to respond to something like this? There's nothing to contradict, so they have to rely on just saying more than you. If this is the tactic they take though, you are at the advantage. There is a nearly infinite number of non-statements you can make about any given topic, whereas they, who rely on an ever-dwindling supply of related facts, are squandering their resources. For them it will be akin to laying siege to a twinkie factory.
These tips will carry you through a lot of arguments, but be careful; They tend to work best when you're responding to somone that's actively challenging your position. If you want to go out and challenge other people, you will have to make an attempt at sounding genuinely knowledgeable. In our society ignorance is fine, but aggressive ignorance can leave you a social pariah if you don't follow some very specific rules. Rule one is to establish for yourself some credentials that are seemingly related to the topic; "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" is a classic, or there's the ever-popular "I have a bachelor's degree.(5)" To avoid having to deal with your lack of knowledge keep these arguments short, either by feigning frustration with your target's ignorance, or by pretending they started the argument and switching to one of the above techniques.
A combination of these techniques should ensure that you never precisely lose an argument, and, if you want to avoid change and new ideas, "not precisely losing" is exactly where you want to be in life.
Footnotes:
1: This is one of the best insults available in polite company. If you don't know what it means, look it up and began using it immediately at dinner parties. If you're not regularly invited to dinner parties crash them so that you can use this word.
2: Information on the BDSM and their mission statement can be found by the power of google.
3: Some BDSM members actually argue that this should be considered higher now, as the calculations were done previous to the spread of facebook meme culture.
4: Say "Chemicals" with foreboding if you can. This is one of those key words that can make or break an uneducated opinion.
5: If you have more than one, mention this. People will be impressed, probably because you managed to avoid the real world for twice as long.
One apparent drawback of this technique is the requirement of memorizing quotes that can be used to support innaction and resistance to change in a wide variety of topics. Thankfully a study published by the Bureau of Derived Social Mathmatics(2) has found that adding together the average inaccuracy of a quote taken out of context, to the average inaccuracy of a quote that hasn't been verified, and the inaccuracy accrued by applying it to a self-assessed tangentially related topic result in an erroneous rating of 1.2(3) times that of the average brazen-grade lie. This means that if you just substitute a brazen lie in the guise of a quotation you're actually being 17% more honest than if you try to say something genuine.
Who could fault you for that?
Of course not all of us can come up with legitimate sounding sound bites on the fly. Sometimes we're taken by surprise and need something simple quickly. For these instances I find subtly changing the topic from what is being discussed to how you feel about what is being discussed comes naturally to most, and can completely shift the playing field in your favor. After all, you might not know the first thing about the issue of public healthcare, but on the matter of how you feel about it you're the world's leading expert. The trick to making this transition is to take a claim that is hard to pin down and add "I feel" to the front of it. Say for instance the idea of publicly funded water fluoridation rubs you the wrong way, but you don't actually know anything about it. Try saying something like "I feel that adding chemicals(4) to our water is an unhealthy trend, and who knows where it could lead next?" Note that you haven't actually made any real claims about the outside world here. How are they to respond to something like this? There's nothing to contradict, so they have to rely on just saying more than you. If this is the tactic they take though, you are at the advantage. There is a nearly infinite number of non-statements you can make about any given topic, whereas they, who rely on an ever-dwindling supply of related facts, are squandering their resources. For them it will be akin to laying siege to a twinkie factory.
These tips will carry you through a lot of arguments, but be careful; They tend to work best when you're responding to somone that's actively challenging your position. If you want to go out and challenge other people, you will have to make an attempt at sounding genuinely knowledgeable. In our society ignorance is fine, but aggressive ignorance can leave you a social pariah if you don't follow some very specific rules. Rule one is to establish for yourself some credentials that are seemingly related to the topic; "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" is a classic, or there's the ever-popular "I have a bachelor's degree.(5)" To avoid having to deal with your lack of knowledge keep these arguments short, either by feigning frustration with your target's ignorance, or by pretending they started the argument and switching to one of the above techniques.
A combination of these techniques should ensure that you never precisely lose an argument, and, if you want to avoid change and new ideas, "not precisely losing" is exactly where you want to be in life.
Footnotes:
1: This is one of the best insults available in polite company. If you don't know what it means, look it up and began using it immediately at dinner parties. If you're not regularly invited to dinner parties crash them so that you can use this word.
2: Information on the BDSM and their mission statement can be found by the power of google.
3: Some BDSM members actually argue that this should be considered higher now, as the calculations were done previous to the spread of facebook meme culture.
4: Say "Chemicals" with foreboding if you can. This is one of those key words that can make or break an uneducated opinion.
5: If you have more than one, mention this. People will be impressed, probably because you managed to avoid the real world for twice as long.
posted by James at 8:08 PM
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