Lonely Larry
“Dear James,
I live in the middle of nowhere. The only sign of civilization within 20 miles of me is a gas station, and my only social activity is to drive 50 miles into town to visit my dad in jail. I’m very lonely and might be going slowly mad. What should I do?
Lonely Larry”
Dear Larry,
While going mad is certainly a viable option, lack of a good health care plan may leave you unable to afford the expensive medication crazy people are entitled to. Without this medication to use or sell on the black market, madness has few worthwhile perks. Presuming your plan (if it exists at all) doesn’t cover boredom induced mental trauma you do still have several options. The most immediately accessible is to simply expand upon your involvement on the internet. Just take a look at any psychology text at the side effects of addiction: Lower desire to spend time with family and friends, a sense of euphoria at the computer, craving more time at the computer, reduced personal hygiene… The addicted individual can, it seems, exchange interest in social activities for interest in their computer. Since you have a computer, and do not have any social activities this can only work in your favor. You might be surprised to know that there is an ever growing population of individuals that have voluntarily given up all semblance of their real lives and eschew all real world social contact in favor of more time on the internet.
One thing to be careful of, however; Research into sensory deprivation has shown that when people are deprived of their senses, for instance by being unable to touch, hear, see or taste those you interact with, it can cause obsessive and hyper emotional responses to normally mild stimuli. If you find yourself breaking into wrenching sobs whenever someone puts a colon and the front end of a parenthesis together like so : (, or fails to respond to an "IM" with appropriate haste, or even if you’re just unable to build that full on addiction experience in the first place, you might want to move on to other options.
Building a real addiction isn’t the only replacement for friends and activities. You can also build your life around a faked addiction. Consider joining a support group for substance abuse. This can be an excellent gateway into social interaction for the inexperienced because people in the group are required to talk and listen to you. There will also frequently be some sort of snack available which you can use to replace meals, and thus alleviate your fuel costs from driving into town. Make sure you do your research before you try this option! You don’t want to look like a normal and psychologically healthy person in front of your new friends or they will boot you to the curb faster than you can blink twice. Make sure to practice your tales of woe and heartbreak in the mirror beforehand. Also be careful of anyone inviting you to join an underground boxing/terrorism organization. The food they serve at those clubs is terrible, and I've found it to be frequently infested with rat urine.
And with this advice I wish you the best of luck,
James
I live in the middle of nowhere. The only sign of civilization within 20 miles of me is a gas station, and my only social activity is to drive 50 miles into town to visit my dad in jail. I’m very lonely and might be going slowly mad. What should I do?
Lonely Larry”
Dear Larry,
While going mad is certainly a viable option, lack of a good health care plan may leave you unable to afford the expensive medication crazy people are entitled to. Without this medication to use or sell on the black market, madness has few worthwhile perks. Presuming your plan (if it exists at all) doesn’t cover boredom induced mental trauma you do still have several options. The most immediately accessible is to simply expand upon your involvement on the internet. Just take a look at any psychology text at the side effects of addiction: Lower desire to spend time with family and friends, a sense of euphoria at the computer, craving more time at the computer, reduced personal hygiene… The addicted individual can, it seems, exchange interest in social activities for interest in their computer. Since you have a computer, and do not have any social activities this can only work in your favor. You might be surprised to know that there is an ever growing population of individuals that have voluntarily given up all semblance of their real lives and eschew all real world social contact in favor of more time on the internet.
One thing to be careful of, however; Research into sensory deprivation has shown that when people are deprived of their senses, for instance by being unable to touch, hear, see or taste those you interact with, it can cause obsessive and hyper emotional responses to normally mild stimuli. If you find yourself breaking into wrenching sobs whenever someone puts a colon and the front end of a parenthesis together like so : (, or fails to respond to an "IM" with appropriate haste, or even if you’re just unable to build that full on addiction experience in the first place, you might want to move on to other options.
Building a real addiction isn’t the only replacement for friends and activities. You can also build your life around a faked addiction. Consider joining a support group for substance abuse. This can be an excellent gateway into social interaction for the inexperienced because people in the group are required to talk and listen to you. There will also frequently be some sort of snack available which you can use to replace meals, and thus alleviate your fuel costs from driving into town. Make sure you do your research before you try this option! You don’t want to look like a normal and psychologically healthy person in front of your new friends or they will boot you to the curb faster than you can blink twice. Make sure to practice your tales of woe and heartbreak in the mirror beforehand. Also be careful of anyone inviting you to join an underground boxing/terrorism organization. The food they serve at those clubs is terrible, and I've found it to be frequently infested with rat urine.
And with this advice I wish you the best of luck,
James
posted by James at 10:50 PM
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